Ethical Estate Planning: Writing Your Letter of Wishes

Ethical Estate Planning: Writing Your Letter of Wishes

It’s estate planning month here at FPFoCo! Maybe we just worked together to update your beneficiaries or we got together to begin drafting your last will and testament. It could be that you completed your work with your attorney and we scanned your estate planning documents for our files. So you’re done, right?

Well, I don’t consider estate planning to be done until the probate process is complete. That’s the point when the court has closed out your estate and your assets have been transferred to your beneficiaries.

Just a reminder that we’re not attorneys. We don’t even play attorneys on TV! We do, however, use Estate Guru. It’s an attorney-led service that assists you in creating basic estate planning documents. If you have legal questions, we encourage you to speak with your legal professional.

In case you weren’t aware, you can update your will throughout your life, making changes as often or infrequently as you’d like. Since your estate planing is a work in progress, here are some ideas for what you might want to focus on this month.

Create or update your documents. Let’s get started using Estate Guru! Creating some documents here is absolutely free of charge.

Fill in the blanks. Grab a spot on the calendar if you’d like an accountabilibuddy.

Review your beneficiaries and update them as needed to align with your wishes. Grab the link from any FPFoCo email signature and ask your estate planner to securely upload instructions so yours are just right.

Update all of the above upon life events occurring. These include marriage, childbirth, changes to those named in your documents (changes you’d like to make as well as death of those named), divorce, and more.

Review and update your legacy letter or ethical will. This personal letter of wishes isn’t set in stone until you pass away, so you can update it as you desire.

What was that last one again, and how does it fit into your estate plan? If your will and adjacent documents are signed as well as up to date and your beneficiaries are set, next up is writing your letter of wishes. That’s exactly what I’ll delve into in this blog.

The Letter of Wishes

What is this letter, really? While you decide the results of your will, a lawyer writes it to ensure that it will be carried out legally. It’s full of legalese and written with specific ends in mind. Your legal estate documents govern what happens to your assets after your death while your ethical estate documents are not legally binding.

You write your letter of wishes in your own words and voice.  Also known as the legacy letter or letter of wishes, the ethical will is meant to become part of your legacy, enduring as a record of your values and way of thinking. Many ethical estate writers use their letters of wishes to explain the motivations behind the decisions they make in their wills. They’re ways to intentionally communicate with your loved ones, heirs, and trustees for personal reasons.

The history of the ethical estate stems from the Jewish tradition, in which fathers would write letters of instruction to their sons. These were prescriptive, instructing their heirs to live a certain way, do specific things, or follow pointed guidelines.

Many Jewish families have carried on this tradition through the ages with parents modernizing letters to their children as times have changed. The practice has also extended far beyond the Jewish faith.

Writers of today’s ethical estates tell stories, share values, and express their hopes for their beneficiaries. These letters aren’t meant to control their readers but, rather, to explain the thoughts and reasons behind the gifts their writers will be leaving behind.

Writing Your Letter of Wishes

So when’s the best time to write yours? There’s no perfect time, and it doesn’t have to be perfect, either. Yours can be handwritten or typed, long or short, funny, serious, or anything in between.

Think about it this way: Would the people important to you prefer to have a letter from you or no letter from you? A letter, of course! They’re not likely to evaluate and critique it. They are, however, likely to be grateful for it, for a piece of your writing to remember you by.

It’s important to keep in mind that, unless you decide to share your letter during life, those you’re writing to won’t be able to have a conversation with you about what you include in your letter. So put some thought and care into not only what you write but also how you write and the way in which you’d like for your words to be received.

Also, know that you can also update your letter of wishes whenever you’d like. If you change your beneficiaries, you can tailor your letter to the people to whom you’re speaking. As your children grow, you may update your letter as their education levels and interests change. And as your perspectives and wishes evolve, you can change your letter to reflect who you were, how you’ve changed, and who you are today.

What to Include

As you draft or add to your letter of wishes, here are some ideas to get you started.

• Gather the pieces of wisdom you’ve earned and learned through your years.
• Compile your favorite quotes.
• Craft a multi-page mini-biography.
• Express your hopes for the world on a single sheet of paper.
• List your favorite movies.
• Create a playlist of your favorite songs.

No matter how you express yourself in your letter of wishes, it’s tough to go wrong. You can come up with unique ways to share your personality, interests, and story.

Consider the example of a family dynasty for someone who plans to pass wealth on to their heirs with the intent that it lasts for generations. After a couple of generations — or perhaps even a few — those heirs won’t have had the chance to meet the person who started it all. They may write a letter of wishes that tells the story of their success and their hopes for future generations.

Those who don’t have children may also want to share their wishes with their executor, trustees, or beneficiaries, including charities.

Sharing Your Letter and Legacy

Once you’ve written your letter of wishes, what should you do with it? That’s up to you!

You may want to ask your attorney where and how to include it in your estate planning documents. Or you might decide to slip it into the pocket in the front or back cover of your estate planning binder. You may even write a separate letter for each of your beneficiaries as you have something unique to share with each one.

Don’t forget to send a copy to your financial planner for safekeeping! In fact, if you’d like a hand getting started, schedule an estate planning consultation with yours truly to work on your own letter of wishes. Remember, it’s never too early to get started — but one day, it’ll be too late.